Monday, August 1, 2011

Growing Confidence

After pushing around mounds of soil for growing things; raking out small and large pebbles; making some nice shapes and putting water places - I sat down and watched. 

Nothing happened. 

Realizing I watered prematurely - I enthusiastically went off to collect any kind of seeds to push in the ground. Collecting, for me, is instantly gratifying and easily accomplished. After all, collections can be found anywhere and made from anything (if you have an eye and ear for them).

So I brought back piles of "seeds" - and sat and watched. 

Still nothing happened. 

"Well I have these seeds, and I have this soil, nicely raked, and I've already watered," I thought out loud, "so why isn't anything growing?" 

Turns out I still hadn't planted the seeds I had been sitting on; holding in my hands, caressing in my pockets. 

It dawned on me, after sometime, that that was the issue - THE NOT PLANTING ISSUE. It seemed resolvable; but then there was the matter of what to plant first, and where, what time of day, what month, in what sequence, how many; should I buy a book, take a class? Hmm?

So many questions to keep me from planting the seeds I already had, in the ground I had already tilled. So I thought about it for a while...

Nothing happened. 

So I thought about it a while more... But of course, thinking only lends itself to more thinking...

Here's what I thought: 

What happens if I do plant the seeds, and they do actually grow? Won't I then have to tend them, and weed them, and water them more, and sing to them of growing? Will I have made myself more work? Will I have made myself more liable should something go awry?

OR will I have made myself a feast? 

A banquet of self-nurturing; Self-proclaiming; Self-Reaching?


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