Tuesday, March 9, 2010

what this is: is what i am

  I always draw my hearts uneven. To bother making things perfect is hardly my character, had it been, this blog would never have happened. Imperfections are everywhere in these pages; misspellings, bad drawings, strange photos, horrible grammar... it's okay. Every once in a while I go backwards and tidy up in smidgens, but for the most part it lays as it lies.

  Speaking of lying... do you ever feel like you are dying? When I started this blog one year ago today that's sort of how I felt, like I had been holding something in for far too long and the holdings had become sleepings. I felt bloated, lethargic and despondent; exactly the way one shouldn't feel all the time. To be fair it wasn't all the time, it was a lot of the time, but, it was enough of the time to taste this death - - - esoterically.
  
  Drunk Love Heart was not something I pulled from the sky this day in March when I decided to deliver my heart to the world. It was and is everything already part of me, my very fabric, lifetimes of longing, seeking, hurting, loving, giving, trusting, fearing, forgetting and understanding. Not sharing one's universe makes death grow. That's why this had to be. That said, when I began this thing I had absolutely no idea what a blog was or how one does a blog and most especially WHY one would want to do a blog. But I had heard enough people say, "you should do a blog" that I guess I just knew I had to "do a blog." (That - coupled with feelings of impending doom).

  What this is: toodles and doodles and scrawlings of one sweet me.

   a voice. a vision. 

  It's very raw, not design-y... I don't know how to use Photoshop and I certainly don't know anything about html's and secret codes and such, but I do know what touches me and also... I'm very good at hearing voices that, um, I probably shouldn't. 

  What this is: is what I am.

EVERY ONE OF YOU ~ I THANK ~~~~~ deeply. 
Your receptivity makes it worth the effort. 
And fills my heart with JOY!

But I tell ya what... I would do it anyway, even with no one watching.

Because of needing to live, as much as I need to let myself die.  

---esoterically. 

13 comments:

  1. and what you are and what comes from your heart is so richly, supremely divine that to withhold that from the world would be a crime. that is why, I'm sure, everyone who knew you well-enough told you "you should have a blog".

    I'm so very proud of your one year anniversary and accomplishment of sticking with something, religiously for that long, inspiring people everywhere.
    here's to keepin' it real and keepin' it going.

    love ya.

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  2. Thanks for not holding it in

    love

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  3. Congratulations for this sweet toddler of yours. He/she has grown quite a bit and has touched so many lives. My life has been touched for sure, by the authenticity of your writing. And authenticity (Greek: authentikos = principal, genuine), the sharing of what truly springs from our Divine source, is the one thing which makes any exchange meaningful.

    So thank you for being and sharing what you truly are!

    With love and gratitude

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  4. naaaa, drunk love hasn't really done much for this tough guy, a few late nights reading your new gems that just happen to glimmer and drip with sweet ripened mango magic, true...

    hmmmmm...then there was that big opening of this old crusty heart too...
    ok ok, akkajibi
    I guess your big drunken love heart is
    kinda sorta special...
    shoots,
    geev em' sistah
    yeah ;) <3

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  5. Change, it makes things whirl...Somehow the one steadfast is LOVE....All we need is LOVE...And a bit of this and that, so I come here and join the rest of those that get to share the moments of your brilliant shimmer butterfly...XO Ae

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  6. awwww....here's to another year and another... and another... :)

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  7. thanks for bringing out that inner voice, the so-so artist, the stumbling toddler, lover, sister, brother and showing us all how beautifully perfect our imperfect hearts fit together.

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  8. I adore the way you talk about things....especially about what this is...
    col

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  9. that was a great post, I have just entered the land of blog recently and feel much the same way about so much of what you said...what you call "raw" is just perfect

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  10. This is one table where I know to have a place with my name on it. I rise my brim-full glass to that! To the perfect hostess! To the drunkest love heart!

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  11. Thank YOU.

    yes YOU!

    each and every one.

    Now, I'm going to have to research more ways to say thank you... because I am having to say it quite a lot as of late. Can someone "DO" a thank you?

    Maybe I shall start "DOING" thank you's - if I should find the way.... ;-)

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  12. a wonderful heart
    i love things with uneven lines
    poems or drawings or faces

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  13. Love, love, love this - and your heart. Of course it's uneven - that's what gives it room to grow.

    And my heart grows every time I see your beautiful art or read your gorgeous words.

    You are such a gift.

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